Vial Times

All the vial times you said
I was better I was best,
Has left me falling from a cliff
And wrapped me up and made me stiff.
Like poison running through my veins
Your words profane and give away
The happiness inside of me that makes me free,
So let me be.


If only you could find a time
To love yourself without the crime
Of speaking filthy gibberish,
It makes me sick.
I’m vomiting now as we speak
And I am weak from all you leak;
I wish for sleep,
So let me be.


I try to run away from you
You still pursue without a clue,
And if I stop I will explode
From all the bragging words you sowed
Into my mind like tar that kills;
You must be still,
Now let me be!

Kite Dreams

Shimmers in the shining sun,

The fun

Of pleasure flying oh so hi

Just like a bird she flaps her wings,

And sings

Undaunted in the evening sky

The freedom is so fresh and blue

The wind speeds through

Her colors sore

She weaves her tangled elegance

Her rhythmic dance

Yearning, ever wanting more

But wind gets tired and has to go

She stops her show

And thinks of when she’ll dance again

Still now her dreams fill up the sky

She’ll fly so high

Into the cloud that has no end

August 5th, 2010

Heaven's Just Around the Corner

I'm tired.

I want to be better.

Better at what?

At being me.

Why does there have to be a better you?

When did you find out you were broken?

I might have always been broken.

Maybe that is the way you are supposed to be.

What if it is?

Why do I feel so hurt sometimes, so incomplete?

Why do I feel like everyone is looking at me funny?

Maybe you're crazy.

Or maybe everyone else is.

When was the last time you cried?

Do you ever tell yourself "I love you"?

What if I don't?

Do you ever feel like your heart weighs a million pounds?

Like it is sinking in your chest.

Why do you feel that way?

I don't know, but it hurts,

More then a cut,

Or a bruise,

Or even a broken bone.

It's like I missed out on something in life,

And I will never get to do that one thing again.

What should I do with those feelings?

Push them deep inside?

What if they explode?

I don't know!

But I think that everybody feels like that sometimes.

You just have to learn to live with being imperfect.

Know that life is hell on earth sometimes,

But that heaven is just right around the corner.

Every person walking around you has the same kinds of thoughts,

and feels the same kinds of things.

If you could hear them you would know you weren't alone.

Everyone else is human too.

September 25th, 2008

Heaven Sealed

Each glow a different shade of bright

All mixed with beauty in shade of night

He looks upon us each blessed light

As One who knows and loves us

We walk each day with different pace

No pair of eyes on the same pairs face

But each and every day we race

His Love gives flight he loans us

Each storm we find in life’s slight hold

Gives rise to doubt and need to fold

But every time the days get cold

His Light is there to warm us

Oh the beauty of the field

The lilies that the soils yield

Each one arrayed and heaven sealed

But His mansions he will give us

Each life has beauty, may be unseen

By us, or others it may have been

But the beauty’s there, and so serene

And it is this He always shows us

But the blind must see

And the deaf must hear

And the lame must stand and run

For the Life He gave

Was given to every child

And His Hope is for everyone.

December 29th, 2008

HAPPY

I was sad in that moment.

Trapped inside this darkness.

Reeks of paranoia.


I’m depressed.


I’m failing all my treasures,


That are true and golden.


I’ve confessed.


Trying hard to breathe, but can’t.


Could explode if luck relents.


Holding down this fear inside my chest.



Why can’t I do the things I love,


Without the sorrow and the pain?


Why can’t I be a hero now,


Unless I throw my self into the train?


I’ll fall before I get there,


This place I go that only light can see.


When all I need to get me through this day,


Is to be a little bit of HAPPY.



I’m feeling sick,

and ever so cold.


I want to shoot,


Or maybe explode.


Crazy thought,

but who’s to tell.


I’ll give my life,


My dreams I’ll sell.


For one small drink,


And the feelings real,


Of HAPPY things


I used to feel.



I tried but failed.


I cried
and wailed.


I sank,


And drown,


And hit the ground.


I dreamt,


I prayed,


I felt afraid.


I hoped
To be,


But never saw


My HAPPY.


September 25th, 2008

From Old Nauvoo the Beautiful

The saints came to this wet cold place

And saw the hope in Joseph’s face

And new that they could build their faith

From old Nauvoo the beautiful

Their hands did bleed and brows did sweat

And yet they sang without a fret

Their memories I will not forget

From old Nauvoo the beautiful

And from their tithe and sweat stood tall

A house that did exceed them all

Just for the Lord; their voices call

From old Nauvoo the beautiful

From tin smith to the bakers store

I walk and see what came before

The strength they gave forever more

From old Nauvoo the beautiful

Two brothers I now look upon

A tear I shed, their sacrifice done

They gave their lives for Father and Son

From old Nauvoo the beautiful

I sit at peace within these walls

Where saints the same would walk the halls

A time far past I hear their calls

From old Nauvoo the beautiful

And as I think what I could be

These stories truly help me see

And I gain a site of the future me

From old Nauvoo the beautiful

June 1st, 2010

Flying

The rain pores down my window

It’s beat matches the rhythm of my heart.

I wonder if the wind ever called my name,

Would I follow?

I walk around so fast trying to find something

But do I ever just sit and get lost in the moment?

I have given so much time to worrying

And shame and heart ache

Over the things that I have done.

How much heartache is there in the world?

How many tears have been cried?

Enough probably to water an ocean of daisies,

Or at least a garden of hopes and dreams.

How many wishes are thrown away everyday

Because someone believes that they can’t?

What if they could?

And what if they could see that they could,

Would they still give up?

Are the great people of the world great

Because they have hope?

I think they are.

Hope can do a lot for a person.

Without hope you can drown in your fears.

They can overcome you and sweep you away.

Sometimes you have these great moments in life

Where you feel like you can see what life is all about.

I wish that I could capture those moments in a jar

And every time I feel lost I would grab one

And eat it right up and everything would be okay.

I used to dream of flying

I don’t any more

I wonder why those dreams stopped?

I wish they would come back again

They used to make me so happy.

March 22nd, 2006

Find My Way to Neverland

Drop back into my life

The sun always finds its way

In times when the shadows sneak

From creatures who can’t find their way

I need some relaxing time

Like death, but not permanent

My soul feels all cramped inside

This body of discontent

Find my way to Neverland

Where growing old just doesn’t stay

And freedom isn’t something sought

Is naturally just giv’n way

And time will release my pain

time is my new best friend

For time is no lover’s foe

Of conceit and regiment

It gives without taking back

calls on you everyday

won’t ever leave your side

No matter how long you stay

Find my way to Neverland

Where pirates and the indians play

With tomohawks and loaded guns

But dying seems to fade away

I’ll get there when I see the stars

With child’s eyes and fairy dust

But I can’t leave my circumstance

In wanting hands deceiving touch

Drop back into my life

The sun always finds its way

But sun even needs to leave

All broken up and crushed away

Find my way to Neverland

Find my way to Neverland

I’ll find my way to Neverland

Gotta find my way to Neverland

February 17th, 2008

Eternity

A bride in beauties splendered white

Adorned with joy and loves pure grasp

Is like a budding lilac tree

Just given life from the sun’s rays past

She sees a dream she’s dreamed before

And played unending in her mind

She watches this true love of hers

This man she thought she would never find

And to her mind comes moments past

That have given pain or unwanted sense

She has lived a life with both good and bad

But is born again from this time hence

And this man she loves watches her in awe

And gives thanks to God for this eternal gift

He has tried so hard to live right for her

This girl who in times he had thought he’d missed

He has searched for love but didn’t know it would come

In all that he feels when he’s looking at her

These feelings he’s having so revealed and exposed

Of the friendship that’s causing his emotions to stir

He knows that he will do everything for her

Giving sweat and time to the cause of their love

He will be the man that he has wanted to be

And will gain strength in trusting in the power above

So the path they’ve started is now meant for two

Walking side by side through thick and thin

They must think of each other before they think of themselves

And an endless glory they will truly win

But the path they’ve started will be rocky at best

And will cause them to push more then ever before

But the prize that awaits them for trying so hard

Is the chance they will have for them both to soar

So as they look at each other on this day of all days

And give thanks to the Lord for the feelings they bare

The eternities love that in each other they see

Is the happily ever after that together they’ll share

December 30th, 2006

Dream Away the Hurt

Phrases come to mind

Of melodies somewhat sublime that float right through my head

And haunt the past

That couldn’t last

It went so fast

The sleepless nights I had

My eyes so wet and sad from tears that fell right through my bed

Your memory killed

My heart was chilled

Left unfulfilled

So what could I do but stop loving?

At least when shadows touched the ground;

I went to my dreams for some comfort

And found a world with no hurt around

February 1oth, 2007

My Creativity

The building blocks of life are what,

a cell unseen deep within a man?

Or are they made of memories tune

from some happy moment in distant lands?

We look for truth far beyond our sight,

and we worry of being better then we once were.

But what of the sun rising on the beach,

or the beauty found in the music that stirs

our hearts in ways that no sight can give,

and far greater then what we can learn in a class.

We cannot forget that our souls need to be free,

and look beyond the mistakes that we’ve made in the past.

Don’t take the part of me that makes me laugh

that gives expression to my mind.

For in looking beyond what makes life worth breath

you could leave all creativity far behind.

November 23rd, 2007

Bonds

She speaks to me in those words which are black.

Her words have no life.

Does she know what she is saying aloud?

In speaking to me she leaves me emptier than I was before.

Where am I?

Do I really want to be here?

I have no choice with the bonds she applies.

She puts meaning to that which means nothing at all.

And gives purpose to that which can’t rise nor can fall.

It is nothing!

What about laughter what about joy?

She has taught me nothing of this.

Where is the color, where is the hope in this life?

So why do I listen?

Is it because I must, but who is making me?

What can break these bonds, what can free my soul?

But I will continue to come and be subjected to this pain

I will conquer the day and in submission I will be victorious.

October 4th, 2006

Blurred

When right and wrong begin to blur

And the time has come to make a choice

If seeing has brought some question to you

In time you will have to raise your voice

For “blurred” is for those in whom seeing is hard

And the choice is for only you to make

You use all you’ve learned and know in your heart

Even when that choice can cause your heart to break

Morals are how you live and love

When only the dead can see what you do

When in the dark you have to choose

And look into your soul to see what is true

You learn in the living and see in the life

What choosing the good will give your soul

And in giving what’s hard for the good of someone

Only this can really make a person whole

September 14th, 2006

Forgive Me

I pray to my God this very night,

For a breathe of strength from on high

As a tear falls from my swollen face, and my words release with a sigh;

“I have lived my life as you’ve asked me too,

I have gone where you want me to go,

And I gave to the man who so hungered and hurt, that no other would goodness show.

I pay all my tithes and I fast for the sick,

That have need of thy daily bread

And through all of this time I have asked for not much, as I nightly still bow my head;

But on such a night, when my world disappeared,

And I’m left so alone and lost,

I think of the man who has taken from me, and the forgiveness that has too great a cost.

For it does me no good to forget of his sins,

That has taken my life and my love;

So with this small prayer, please forgive me my hate, as I pray to you Father above.

“Oh son, how I hurt for the loss that you feel,

And the pain in your heart tonight

But the tears in my eyes are for the hate in your soul and the desire that you have to fight

Against your brother, who like you, is of the prodigal sort,

And has left me at times for sin;

But inside both of you is the seed of a king, which I’ve given and so hope will win.

Now if you keep fighting and walking this path

Where mercy is ne’r given sway.

Then you will walk it alone against the weights that you gain as you walk further and further away;

But if you just see, that the man that you loathe,

Has such beauty, just hidden inside.

You will find in your soul a small ounce of Christ’s love so large that you’ll break down and cry.

So do all you can to forgive this your brother

And set both your souls flying free

For you know not what he holds, the light that he has, and how great that your brother can be.”

Best Friend

When hope is gone, and light doeth fade

And beauty tis’ hard to see

And match and flint cannot prevail

His faith begins to flee

The darkness has enveloped him

And creeps into his heart

His memories of a life once lived

Begin to drift apart

And just before all breath is gone

He feels a hand reach in

And pulls him up into the light

And gives him strength within

He sees a face of glories light

Her hair is long and white

She smells like warmth of heaven’s glow

And gives him strength and sight

The face he sees he’s seen before

But memory is gone away

He wants so bad to remember her

And hopes that she will stay

Her life gives strength and hope to him

And he begins to live again

And remembers all of the love he’s had

She’d given, his best friend

February 27th, 2007

And to the Queen

The story of a kingdom born

Within a palace, white adorned

As queen and king kneeled glistening

Their bond declared by trump and horn

The people came from far and near

To see the sight and then to hear

The love they’d heard from every mouth

On every lip and happy tear

As all did watch their sacred vow

Upon each breath they’ve spoken now

Comes with a kisses such promise spoke

As destiny would thus allow

And so they moved with hopeful feet

To take their ever kingdom seat

Beneath the castle built by love

Which soon with hope would be complete

And to their line they’d add a prince

With honor none had seen far since

Through heart of gold and wings of love

He’d give to all their recompense

And yet again a son would come

With quiet thought far more than some

His eyes could pierce through every soul

And peace would spring to everyone

But yet is not their kingdom full

Another, they would add a soul

They knew that someone they would need

To make them even more so whole

A doll arrived in satin gown

With beauty in and out did sound

From every smile and song she gave

The heavens shined their glory down

So king and queen live on in love

With thanks and praise to God above

The kingdom grows each passing day

And thanks cannot be giv’n enough

And to the queen we owe the due

With honesty of all that’s true

She made the kingdom one that shines

With loving touch her love we new

October 20th, 2009

A Stranger's Prayer

You tell me that you see me

But I don’t know that you’re there

You say you always hear me

All my big unanswered prayers

I’m starving for your hunger

To come and give some love

I need to feel some shelter

From the storm you don’t feel above

They say that you will care for

All those that are left behind

Your kind and caring muteness

Is the type I’ll never find

But you have so much to give me

The wealth that I don’t know

The means to solve my hurting

The kind you have yet to show

So from way across the ocean

I send my prayer to you

Please do the things you pray for

And to your heart be true.

March 15th, 2009

A Lover's Tale

To find a sweeter song to sing

Then loves pure grasp in which I am caught

Would stand too far for eye to see

Beyond the stars which wise men taught

The flowers of all beauties field

If picked and set in just one room

Could not fulfill one ounce in sight

Of what I see in your heavenly bloom

To hear the song the sparrow sings

Is but a dross and wilted sound

For from your lips in moments said

An angelic chorus I have found

Each time I leave your sight and touch

Is like the death that cannot end

I hold in mind your lips and smell

And await the touch of my best friend

For I would crawl to Saturn’s rings

And further to only hear you say

Those three little words from your lips divine

From eternity on, each and every day

December 30th, 2006

The Valley of the Sad Song

In the valley of the sad song

there’s a little bird that sings

And if you sit by her, but not long

she will tell you many things.

She has talked to many people,

who have come to her with tears,

And they tell her of the sadness

they have felt throughout the years.

She sings of the very first story

that started so happy and bright

Of a love that would go on forever,

it was eternal in both of their sight.

This first man that sat in the valley

before the sad song filled the trees

Came to this place from a memory

and crying fell down to his knees

He saw no one there but the young bird,

with feathers that looked like the sun

So he told her of all he had lost now,

because of the love he had barely begun

They had newly just started their family;

a little child had bounced on his knee.

But no bouncing and laughing was had now,

no, laughing, there just couldn’t be.

And as he sat in the valley of sad songs,

for that’s now how the valley was known

The bird cried a tear for the sad man,

and gave him a feather that shone.

And as the man picked up the feather,

he felt a slight warmth touch his heart

He wasn’t all healed or unsad now,

but inside, well, he felt he could start

To look at the world as half full, just,

and he thought “I might not be done”

So he thanked the good bird for her kindness,

with the feather he walked into the sun

And though now the bird felt slightly colder

she was pleased for what she had done.

So on and on and on goes the story

of each person who came with their tears

The little boy who missed his doggy,

or the woman who had many fears

And to each of them went just one feather

unsuspecting of what they received

As they walked from the valley of sad song

they felt like they could at least breathe.

So I sit here right now with the old bird,

oh her sad song to most is not grand

But she listens as I weep through my cold eyes

and buckle as I try to stand

She looks down at me and she shivers,

for one feather she only has now

But she pulls it from off of her bare skin

and passes it to me somehow

And as the sun touches my cold hand

I look to the bird and she cries

For new feathers cover her over,

But much brighter then ten million skies

For in taking pain she got coldness

So that we could just live again

She added a small part to her sad song

But gave of her love without end

And now she had infinite feathers

As she gives they will always grow back

And though now the sad song keeps growing

New feathers she never will lack

So down in the valley of the sad song

There is a little bird and she sings

And if you sit down by her, but not long

She will tell you of the love that she brings