Vial Times

All the vial times you said
I was better I was best,
Has left me falling from a cliff
And wrapped me up and made me stiff.
Like poison running through my veins
Your words profane and give away
The happiness inside of me that makes me free,
So let me be.


If only you could find a time
To love yourself without the crime
Of speaking filthy gibberish,
It makes me sick.
I’m vomiting now as we speak
And I am weak from all you leak;
I wish for sleep,
So let me be.


I try to run away from you
You still pursue without a clue,
And if I stop I will explode
From all the bragging words you sowed
Into my mind like tar that kills;
You must be still,
Now let me be!

Kite Dreams

Shimmers in the shining sun,

The fun

Of pleasure flying oh so hi

Just like a bird she flaps her wings,

And sings

Undaunted in the evening sky

The freedom is so fresh and blue

The wind speeds through

Her colors sore

She weaves her tangled elegance

Her rhythmic dance

Yearning, ever wanting more

But wind gets tired and has to go

She stops her show

And thinks of when she’ll dance again

Still now her dreams fill up the sky

She’ll fly so high

Into the cloud that has no end

August 5th, 2010

Heaven's Just Around the Corner

I'm tired.

I want to be better.

Better at what?

At being me.

Why does there have to be a better you?

When did you find out you were broken?

I might have always been broken.

Maybe that is the way you are supposed to be.

What if it is?

Why do I feel so hurt sometimes, so incomplete?

Why do I feel like everyone is looking at me funny?

Maybe you're crazy.

Or maybe everyone else is.

When was the last time you cried?

Do you ever tell yourself "I love you"?

What if I don't?

Do you ever feel like your heart weighs a million pounds?

Like it is sinking in your chest.

Why do you feel that way?

I don't know, but it hurts,

More then a cut,

Or a bruise,

Or even a broken bone.

It's like I missed out on something in life,

And I will never get to do that one thing again.

What should I do with those feelings?

Push them deep inside?

What if they explode?

I don't know!

But I think that everybody feels like that sometimes.

You just have to learn to live with being imperfect.

Know that life is hell on earth sometimes,

But that heaven is just right around the corner.

Every person walking around you has the same kinds of thoughts,

and feels the same kinds of things.

If you could hear them you would know you weren't alone.

Everyone else is human too.

September 25th, 2008

Heaven Sealed

Each glow a different shade of bright

All mixed with beauty in shade of night

He looks upon us each blessed light

As One who knows and loves us

We walk each day with different pace

No pair of eyes on the same pairs face

But each and every day we race

His Love gives flight he loans us

Each storm we find in life’s slight hold

Gives rise to doubt and need to fold

But every time the days get cold

His Light is there to warm us

Oh the beauty of the field

The lilies that the soils yield

Each one arrayed and heaven sealed

But His mansions he will give us

Each life has beauty, may be unseen

By us, or others it may have been

But the beauty’s there, and so serene

And it is this He always shows us

But the blind must see

And the deaf must hear

And the lame must stand and run

For the Life He gave

Was given to every child

And His Hope is for everyone.

December 29th, 2008

HAPPY

I was sad in that moment.

Trapped inside this darkness.

Reeks of paranoia.


I’m depressed.


I’m failing all my treasures,


That are true and golden.


I’ve confessed.


Trying hard to breathe, but can’t.


Could explode if luck relents.


Holding down this fear inside my chest.



Why can’t I do the things I love,


Without the sorrow and the pain?


Why can’t I be a hero now,


Unless I throw my self into the train?


I’ll fall before I get there,


This place I go that only light can see.


When all I need to get me through this day,


Is to be a little bit of HAPPY.



I’m feeling sick,

and ever so cold.


I want to shoot,


Or maybe explode.


Crazy thought,

but who’s to tell.


I’ll give my life,


My dreams I’ll sell.


For one small drink,


And the feelings real,


Of HAPPY things


I used to feel.



I tried but failed.


I cried
and wailed.


I sank,


And drown,


And hit the ground.


I dreamt,


I prayed,


I felt afraid.


I hoped
To be,


But never saw


My HAPPY.


September 25th, 2008

From Old Nauvoo the Beautiful

The saints came to this wet cold place

And saw the hope in Joseph’s face

And new that they could build their faith

From old Nauvoo the beautiful

Their hands did bleed and brows did sweat

And yet they sang without a fret

Their memories I will not forget

From old Nauvoo the beautiful

And from their tithe and sweat stood tall

A house that did exceed them all

Just for the Lord; their voices call

From old Nauvoo the beautiful

From tin smith to the bakers store

I walk and see what came before

The strength they gave forever more

From old Nauvoo the beautiful

Two brothers I now look upon

A tear I shed, their sacrifice done

They gave their lives for Father and Son

From old Nauvoo the beautiful

I sit at peace within these walls

Where saints the same would walk the halls

A time far past I hear their calls

From old Nauvoo the beautiful

And as I think what I could be

These stories truly help me see

And I gain a site of the future me

From old Nauvoo the beautiful

June 1st, 2010

Flying

The rain pores down my window

It’s beat matches the rhythm of my heart.

I wonder if the wind ever called my name,

Would I follow?

I walk around so fast trying to find something

But do I ever just sit and get lost in the moment?

I have given so much time to worrying

And shame and heart ache

Over the things that I have done.

How much heartache is there in the world?

How many tears have been cried?

Enough probably to water an ocean of daisies,

Or at least a garden of hopes and dreams.

How many wishes are thrown away everyday

Because someone believes that they can’t?

What if they could?

And what if they could see that they could,

Would they still give up?

Are the great people of the world great

Because they have hope?

I think they are.

Hope can do a lot for a person.

Without hope you can drown in your fears.

They can overcome you and sweep you away.

Sometimes you have these great moments in life

Where you feel like you can see what life is all about.

I wish that I could capture those moments in a jar

And every time I feel lost I would grab one

And eat it right up and everything would be okay.

I used to dream of flying

I don’t any more

I wonder why those dreams stopped?

I wish they would come back again

They used to make me so happy.

March 22nd, 2006